‘They Phone Me Personally Slutty Lola’. Edited by DAVID ROSE

When we share a shower together i need to require putting on verruca socks. Girl, 36, nevertheless reeling from the college swimming event in 1975 (6 months of cushioned plasters is not simple to conquer). Box no. 3186.

We’ll see you during the LRB singles evening. I will be the only respiration heavily and stroking my legs by the ‘art’ books. Asthmatic, varicosed F (93) seeks M to 30 with sufficient puff me uphill to the post office in him to push. This isn’t a euphemism. Box no. 4632.

Mature gentleman (62), aged well, noble grey appears, healthy and active, sound head and unfazed because of the fickle demands of society seeks . damn it, i must pee once again. Box no. 4143.

These ads take to way too hard to be funny. Perhaps maybe maybe perhaps Not me personally, i am a normal. Juggling, monkey-faced idiot (M, 36). Box no. 5312.

Toilet duties. This is where you are available in – buxom, 22-year-old, blond label perhaps maybe maybe not bashful of adjusting the medical stockings of 73-year-old misanthrope with poor bladder control. Failing that, just deliver care-home brochures to box no. 0278.

Join me personally for sit-ups in Dairy-Free week! M, 42, big-boned. Box no. 6421.

Hoxton salad-dodger (42 – my age and my waistline; M – my intercourse maybe perhaps not my layer size, that’s strictly XL) WLTM LRB chubster with an intention in red meat and mustardy dressings. Totally totally totally totally Free very first Tuesday of each thirty days, Slimmer’s World every Wednesday. Box no. 1275.

My animal interests would satisfy any girl, if perhaps it were not for the filibustering of the colon that is damned. Together with chafing among these infernal medical center sheets. Write now to M, 83, for ward viewing hours and a list of authorized solids. Box no. 2377.

I will be the event that is literary or at the least the many entertaining drunk to my ward. Please check out (Mon-Thurs, 5-7 p.m., bring chocolate, and gin). F, 41. Box no. 4365.

We wonder if Clive James reads these. And if he does, would he find me personally appealing adequate to compose to? Hope not, i am after an early-twenties stud-muffin capable of obscene bed room gymnastics. Woman, 74, located in perpetual hope (and a care house in Pendle), WLTM thing that is nearest in an Easy-Up-Chair-equipped bungalow. Box no. 4321.

Every Christmas time, without fail, the LRB creates the turkey that is biggest. This present year it is me personally – monocled, plaid-festooned gadabout, away from destination in just about any relationship, or century, that fails to discover the convenience of the protected knickerbocker. Please assist me personally. Guy, possibly your uncle that is embarrassing. Box no. 0563.

If desires had been eagles, I would personally travel, nevertheless they ain’t, and that’s the good reason why. Invest brand brand brand New Year performing into the Goombay Dance Band to your hairbrush and me personally, bitter publishing advertising exec. (F, 33), too drunk on the job celebration to help keep all my slobber behind my teeth. Golden celebrity that contributes to paradise. Just like a river’s operating towards the ocean we’ll return to you four thousand kilometers. Box no. 6308.

Many vegetarians complain about lacking the style of bacon. Perhaps perhaps perhaps maybe Not me personally, we complain about my liver infection. And rural services that are postal. Guy, 40. Box no. 3143.

Either i am desperately ugly, or perhaps you are lesbians. Bald, pasty guy (61) with stressed tick and unclassifiable epidermis grievance thinks that it is the second but holds out a cure for principal (yet straight) fems at box no. 1075.

You will be sorry for replying to the advertising – its owner smells of peas. But then write to flaky 72-year-old man with no recollection of where any of these stains have come from, box no if you too live in a care home where the quality of the shower water is poor and access to the bath hoist is determined by an inadequate monthly rotation schedule. 4220.

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